Reality star Kristin Cavallari just had her bachelorette party, but that didn't stop her fiance, NFL quarterback Jay Cutler, from calling off the wedding, which got us thinking about the best way to break up. If things aren't working, then they just aren't working, and you're better off getting out of a bad thing than carrying on with a bad relationship. But whether you've only dated for a few months or you're about to walk down the aisle, breaking up is never easy. In all of my years having been through so many different kinds of relationships, there’s one cardinal lesson I’ve learned about when they come to an end: Don’t be passive about breaking up with her.
Most guys will at some point come across a dead-end relationship. He is ready for it to be over, ready to be free and single again, but she is still content in the relationship and committed to keeping it going. When his love for her fizzles out, a lot of guys will get into the following situation: He realizes that he doesn’t love her the same way that she loves him, and so he does anything he possibly can to get her to break up with him. He spends more and more of his time with his friends or at work instead of with her. His conversations with her become distant and emotionless. He complains about her incessantly. He becomes argumentative and purposely instigates fights with her. But this can be a slow and painful journey, because when a woman is in love, she tends to be stubborn and will do whatever she can to keep the relationship alive. Trying to get her to break up with you is the chicken way out and will just lead to complications. So learn how to break up with her.
I have to admit, what I'm about to write is very personal to me because I've been down this road so many times before.
You've met the girl you think is the perfect woman. She's perfect in so many ways, yet there's just something missing. Maybe you're not head-over-heels attracted to her, even though she's very beautiful. There's something that's just not right; it doesn’t click in the way that you want it to click. You can't figure it out, but you still think to yourself, "God she's great. She's fantastic. She treats me really well." And, after some time, you fall in love with her. But you're not head-over-heels in love. At the same time, however, she really starts to fall head-over-heels in love with you. She thinks you're so great that she wants to build a life with you.
On paper, everything may look great, but you know that something is missing. It's almost like you can't put it into words or explain it to anybody because whenever you do, everybody tells you how amazing this woman is for you. All of your single friends tell you that they’d love to meet somebody that great. You agree with them but feel that there needs to be something more -- just something that feels more right.
And so you're faced with one of the toughest decisions you'll ever have to make. You have to figure out how to break up with a woman who's in love with you. You go through the angst, the guilt. She’s treated you so well and given you so much that you don't want to hurt her. She’s not going to understand that you just need to be single again, and that you don't want to see anybody.
You care about her so much that you don't want to see her get hurt if you end the relationship. But the truth of the matter is that you're actually hurting her a lot more by staying in the relationship. As you stay in the relationship hoping that it will die out or hoping that she will eventually break up with you, she is staying in the relationship hoping that you'll eventually turn the corner and love her back.