I’m sure you’ve heard this one before, but here goes anyway. I’m a man of 41 and I’ve never had a proper relationship with a woman. At 25 I had one brief relationship with a friend. It didn’t last long because she didn’t feel the same way. I was very upset about that and since then there’s been nothing. I feel it’s all down to a lack of “relationship ability”.
I see guys all the time out there who seem to have a way of controlling things and moving things forward with the opposite sex. I’m so envious of this and wonder why I’ve never had the same tools at my disposal.
I know a big part of it is how you come across as a person. I do my best, but some people say I don’t come across as a guy who could look after someone... either emotionality or sexually. That has a big impact on my confidence.
All my friends and siblings have been able to develop relationships, so it makes me feel there’s something badly underdeveloped in me that I’m unable to change.
Coleen says..
I don’t think there is anything underdeveloped in you at all. I do think that finding a relationship has become the be-all and end-all, so when you do meet a woman you like you’re probably giving out signals of desperation without realising it, which maybe frightens them off.
Or perhaps you’re not giving enough of yourself when you meet people because you’re frightened of rejection. Unfortunately, rejection is all part of dating and you will just have to get over it. I know it’s natural when you hit the big “Four-Oh” to start panicking about where your life’s going, but I met my husband, Ray, when he was 43 and a few weeks later I was pregnant with our daughter Ciara. Now we’re 12 years down the line.
It’s hard, because at your age most people seem settled in relationships or marriages, but all it means is that you haven’t met the right woman yet. Not everyone finds love at 25. When you do meet the right woman, all of these issues won’t be a problem any more.
Trust me, I know from letters I receive and from my own life that it’s never too late to find that special person... especially for a bloke. Don’t give up hope. Oh, and stop listening to these so-called friends who claim you “can’t look after someone emotionally or sexually”. How would they know? Perhaps you’d feel more confident if you ditched them.