The core of a healthy relationship is trust, and infidelity is the ultimate betrayal of that trust. But what causes infidelity? Take a look at five common causes of infidelity, and how you can avoid them.
1. Misleading First Impressions:
Often times, men and women will tell white lies to enhance their appeal to potential mates. For example, a woman might say that she isn’t looking for a serious relationship so that she doesn’t scare away the all-too-common commitment-phobic men, when in reality she is always on the hunt for a future husband. The problem here is that the woman will have to back track if this relationship winds up being something she would like to take to the next level. Starting off a potential relationship with lies, no matter how insignificant they may seem at the time, will set a tone of dishonesty that is hard to break. Little lies breed big lies. You certainly do not have to divulge your entire personal history to a prospective mate, but any information that you do choose to share should be the truth. Remember, you can’t build a house on sand.
2. The Double Life Syndrome:
Sometimes the comfort and stability of a relationship can lead to boredom, especially for those of us who enjoy thrills and adventure in life. When a relationship starts to feel bland, it is not uncommon for the unhappy individual to begin entertaining a sort of separate, and more exciting, identity. This can also arise when someone feels too engrossed in their relationship, and they crave the independence that they were able to exercise as a single person. Instead of falling into this trap, communicate with your partner. Explain that you are feeling either stifled or bored — just be honest! Do not put the blame on your partner — instead use phrases starting with “I” — not “you.” Try to brace the subject when you both have time to talk, and when you are not entangled in any stressful situations (for example, don’t start this up when you are both trying to get ready to go to work in the morning). You might be surprised to discover that your partner has similar feelings. Try to come up with ways to spice things up, such as having a date night, or leaving sexy messages for each other around the house. If your problem was feeling overwhelmed by the relationship, talk about having Guys’ and Girls’ night out, so that you can each socialize with your friends, and take the focus of the relationship.
3. Feeling Unappreciated:
It is common for people to take for granted those who are the most important in their loves (“We always hurt the ones we love”). We become so accustomed to the support and companionship of our partners that we forget to take the time to thank them for being so special to our lives. If you or your partner is feeling unappreciated, then animosity will grow, and a yearning for acceptance and gratitude will intensify. This often causes someone to search for the attention from someone else — someone who seems to be genuinely impressed by them. For example, if a woman feels that her efforts and attentions are going unnoticed by her man, and then another man showers her with compliments, she may be so needy for this type of attention that she falls into the arms of the other man. Relationships take work, so you have to remember to show your appreciation to your partner on a regular basis. Make a habit of telling your partner something that you love about them at least once every day. Writing a simple love note to your partner will make them feel so special. And, as always, flowers are a great way to show your lady that you were thinking of her.
4. Sexual Incompatibility:
If you aren’t happy in the bedroom, then you probably aren’t happy out of the bedroom. Sexual compatibility is a very integral part of any relationship. Intimacy is a sensitive subject for many people — either they are too embarrassed to talk about it, or they have feeling of inadequacy or physical insecurity. These inhibitions can create some awkwardness and tension in a relationship. If you aren’t attracted to the person you are with, then you should reevaluate why you are with this person. Is this relationship better suited for friendship? Be honest with yourself and your partner. However, if you are attracted to your partner, but your sex life is struggling, try to loosen up and open the lines of communication. Talk about your likes and dislikes — be descriptive, and make your partner feel comfortable being descriptive too! By the end of the conversation, you both might be ready to give it another shot! There are also a plethora of books on sexual intimacy that can be offer advice on improving your sex life.
5. The True Love Test:
Many people try to convince themselves that they are cheating to see if they can truly be happy with one person – they say that they are testing their love. They need to find out if their partner is really “the one.” Sometimes this will cause infidelity for engaged couples, when someone feels that they have to make absolutely sure that they are marrying the right person. If you have to test your love like this, then you just failed. Love is not something that you should have to verify with anyone but yourself and the one you love. If you don’t want to be tied down to one person, then you need to get out of the relationship.