Just received an e-mail from a close friend asking to be discharged from our friendship. She said she regrets it very deeply, but she has a child with terrible health problems that consume most of her time and emotional energy, and she has begun to feel like all she does is take from her friends without giving anything back. She would rather end our friendship than feel guilty about not being able to return my efforts.

To be honest, I have been frustrated about our friendship, which has felt uneven for a long time. I'm not sure what to say. Please help?

Anonymous

Well, either you feel up to giving to this friend without any foreseeable return from her except her company (and maybe the sense of doing a selfless thing) or you don't -- be it because you don't enjoy her company that much, or you're pretty drained yourself for your own reasons, or you reject her premise and believe her take-take-take position isn't defensible, sick kid or no.

However you see it, I think you need to be true to your feelings on this one. If you don't see yourself getting past the frustration, then accept her gracious exit. If instead her acknowledgment of guilt wipes your frustration slate clean, then respond with genuine absolution and say you're there for her with no expectation of being paid back. You know -- friendship. Either way, she seems to know what she wants, and she's ready to be honest about it.